We had a good Christmas break together -- spent two weeks together pretty much the whole time -- but I was reminded that there is still a lot of work to do on the attachment front. And it is so important to help her feel secure now so that she will be confident and strong as she gets older. I feel more confident in my ability to sense where she is on the "connected-ness" continuum and help her feel more connected and relaxed so she can worry less and enjoy life more. It is amazing how much anxiety there is in that little head.
Rachel Claire has also been thinking about her birthparents in China quite a lot. It makes her very sad to think that she probably won't know them and right now she is struggling with why she does not live with them or still in the orphanage. Very weighty topics for such a small person but important to acknowledge them and talk about them so that she can feel comfortable with the concepts and feelings. It's easy for people who don't understand or believe her challenges to dismiss her fears but they are very real and strong and were imprinted on her brain when she was a baby who felt like she had to take care of herself. It will take a lot more work by both Rachel Claire and me to work through them. I know we can do it but sometimes it's hard for both of us when people don't understand or minimize her issues because she copes so well and appears to be well adjusted to most people.
Every day is a puzzle to try to figure out how she is feeling and help her get in touch with those feelings. She is surprisingly willing to acknowledge feelings if I can figure them out and ask her about them...it's harder for her to identify them and share them with me. We are also working on helping her learn how to allow herself to be mad at me. It is very hard for her to do that and she can barely say the words "I'm mad at you Mom." She's quite good at having a big tantrum, but to say the words that mean the same thing is hard. It's all part of her fear that something might happen to me or someone might take her away from me.
We've been reading some books about China and what is like there to help her understand that better. Some complicated topics but good to start talking about them and what they mean. It doesn't help that she's in the Why phase of life...lots of whys about so many things...including things like "Why does the Queen in Snow White want to be the most beautiful one of all?" Anyone got any good answers to that one? "Why does Cruella deVil want to make a coat out of dalmation puppies?" So many whys!
Ok, this post isn't really very Christmassy! So many other things to share but so little time & energy. Thanks for staying tuned, since I've been so remiss about keeping up. Cheerio!
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